The Permission Paradox: Why Waiting for Someone to Choose You is Holding You Back
Remember when you were a kid, hand shooting up in class, desperately hoping the teacher would pick you?
"Choose me! Choose me!"
For many of us, that early conditioning never quite wore off. We're still waiting to be chosen - by employers, publishers, gatekeepers, audiences - before we feel allowed to pursue our dreams or share our gifts.
"I'll start that business once I get funding." "I'll write that book when a publisher shows interest." "I'll share my expertise once I get the right certification." "I'll apply for that role when I have more experience."
It's as if we believe that someone else holds the magical power to grant us permission to do the things we feel called to do. But here's the paradox: the most successful people in any field aren't waiting for permission - they're giving it to themselves.
The Gatekeepers Are Gone (But We're Still Waiting at the Gate)
Not long ago, gatekeepers controlled access to almost everything:
Want to publish? You needed a publisher.
Want to reach an audience? You needed a TV network or radio station.
Want to sell products? You needed a physical store and distributor relationships.
Want credentials? You needed an institution to confer them.
The digital revolution changed all that. Now, anyone can:
Self-publish a book
Build an audience on social media
Sell products online
Learn virtually any skill through free or affordable courses
The gates have swung wide open, but many of us are still standing outside, waiting for someone to formally invite us in.
This waiting comes at an enormous cost, not just to our careers, but to the world that misses out on what we could contribute if we stopped waiting and started creating.
The "Who Am I To..." Syndrome
At the heart of the permission paradox lies a question that paralyses potential: "Who am I to...?"
"Who am I to start a business?"
"Who am I to share advice?"
"Who am I to ask for that opportunity?"
"Who am I to charge those rates?"
This question masquerades as humility, but it's actually a form of self-sabotage that keeps us small and our contributions hidden.
The truth? You're exactly who you need to be, a unique human with a particular perspective, set of experiences, and combination of skills that no one else possesses in quite the same way.
The better question isn't "Who am I to do this?" but rather "Who am I not to?" What right do you have to withhold your contributions from a world that could benefit from them?
The Credential Comfort Blanket
"I'll start once I get my certification/degree/training."
Credentials and education can be valuable, but they've also become a socially acceptable form of procrastination. Just one more course, one more qualification, and then you'll be ready.
But readiness is rarely about knowledge; it's about courage.
Look at the most innovative contributors in any field, and you'll often find they weren't the most formally qualified when they started. They were simply willing to begin before they felt completely ready.
They understood something crucial: you learn most by doing, not by preparing to do.
Permission Slip Culture
School trained us to believe we needed permission for everything:
Permission to speak (raise your hand)
Permission to move (hall passes)
Permission to think differently (follow the curriculum)
Then we entered workplaces that reinforced these patterns:
Permission to try new approaches (get manager approval)
Permission to share ideas (wait for your turn in the meeting)
Permission to advance (wait for someone to promote you)
We've internalised these patterns so deeply that even when external gatekeepers disappear, we still hear that voice saying, "You're not allowed to do that yet."
But what if that voice is wrong? What if you don't need anyone's permission but your own?
"But I'm not an expert yet," you might protest. And you're right—you're not. Not yet.
No one starts as an expert. Expertise comes from starting, practising, failing, learning, and continuing.
The people you consider experts today were once nervous beginners who decided to start anyway. They didn't become experts and then start, they started and then became experts.
Your favourite author wrote terrible first drafts. Your business idol made rookie mistakes. Your mentor once knew less than you know now.
The only difference between them and those who never made an impact? They permitted themselves to be beginners.
The Self-Permission Blueprint
So how do you make this transition from waiting for permission to granting it to yourself? Here's a practical blueprint:
1. Identify your permission blocks What exactly are you waiting for permission to do? Write it down in specific terms. Not vague dreams, but concrete actions.
2. Question the authority Who exactly do you think needs to grant this permission? Why do they have this authority over your choices?
3. Start ridiculously small Don't try to launch the perfect business, start with one client. Don't write a book, write one page. Small actions bypass the permission-seeking mechanism because they feel less consequential.
4. Create evidence Each small action creates evidence of your capability, which makes the next action easier. Success builds on success.
5. Find your permission peers Surround yourself with others who are also permitting themselves to create without waiting. Their courage will fuel yours.
6. Recognise the roots When you feel the need for external validation, get curious about where that comes from. Often, it's tied to early experiences where approval was connected to safety or love.
7. Ask for forgiveness, not permission Make this your new mantra. Take action, see what happens, adjust as needed, and keep moving forward.
The Unexpected Benefits of Self-Permission
When you stop waiting to be chosen and start choosing yourself, some surprising things happen:
Accelerated growth: You learn faster from direct experience than from preparation.
Authentic direction: Without gatekeepers' expectations shaping your path, you discover what truly matters to you.
Increased resilience: Each time you act without external approval, your self-trust grows stronger.
Magnetic attraction: When you stop desperately seeking validation, you often attract more opportunities and recognition.
Contagious courage: Your self-permission inspires others to grant themselves the same freedom.
Every time you wait for permission to share your gifts, the world loses something it needs. That business that could solve problems, that book that could change perspectives, that conversation that could spark innovation - all on hold because you're waiting for someone to tell you it's okay to begin.
The most successful people aren't successful because they were chosen, they're successful because they stopped waiting to be chosen and started creating value on their terms.
Your Permission Slip
If you've been waiting for a sign that it's time to begin, consider this it.
I hereby grant you permission to:
Start before you feel ready
Share your work before it's perfect
Charge for your value before everyone agrees you should
Take up space before someone tells you it's your turn
Trust your instincts before they're validated by others
The permission you've been waiting for has been within you all along.
The question isn't whether you'll be chosen. The question is: what will you choose to create?
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